I met a boy through a volunteer function. He was great on paper and average looking.
Date 1: casual, gelato, weak conversation…basically, he told me about all of his speeding tickets. Yay!
Date 2: (because maybe he was off his game during date 1) went for dinner, better conversation about all the daring things he’s done, and madeout on my couch.
Date 3: – went for dinner, went back to my place and started fooling around…
Me – hey, I don’t want to build up any expectations here…I like what we’re doing, but I’m not ready to go any further this time around, cool?
Him – ok, I totally understand.
M – thanks, I’m glad to hear that. I’m just going to run to the kitchen and grab a glass of water, would you like one?
H – sure!
I came back to the bedroom, to find him standing, waiting for me, wearing nothing but a CONDOM!!!!
He pulled the “naked man” on me.
Well, almost naked…at least he was expecting to have SAFE sex, after I had just told him that we weren’t HAVING sex, moments earlier.
So, what am I supposed to do, now? I’m going to see this guy around, so I can’t just scream at the top of my lungs for him to vacate my apartment, post-haste.
M – didn’t you hear me earlier? I said that this wasn’t happening. [I said this as I pulled the condom off]
H – [stunned] oh! I’m sorry – I think I misunderstood.
M – it’s ok…
And now I decide that the easiest way to fix this is to casually makeout some more, and then gracefully kick him out under the guise of “it’s getting late”…so, we start kissing, and then we lie on the bed and kiss some more. And he’s a really great kisser. Really. So much so, that I get so into the kissing, that I don’t quite realize that my skirt is pulled up and he is trying to jam his penis into me.
I stopped him, dead.
M – ummm…once again, not ready.
H – oh, sorry.
M – well, it’s GETTING LATE…you should really let me go to bed…
H – ok. [getting dressed] This was really fun!
Yeah, I’ll bet it was.
So, great on paper, average looking, and a date rapist.
Moral 1: no means no. There isn’t a boy in the city who hasn’t been told this. I was very clear, and it should have never happened. Period.
Moral 2: if a guy pulls the “naked man” on you, kick him out. Immediately. Fuck the repercussions.